I'm deeply sorry
by Ruuku99
Summary: My name is Aradia Megido. If you are reading this then you're a very dear person to me, I just wanted to say that there are many things in life I enjoyed but they were also some that I didn't. The bad things took control of me and caused me to do this to myself. I'm very sorry if you have to see my body like this but it was for the best. TW: Suicide
1. Aradia's Letter

My name is Aradia Megido.

And if you are reading this then you are probably a very dear person to me, I just wanted to say that there are many things in life I enjoyed but they were also some that I didn't. Obviously the bad things took control of me and caused me to do this to myself. I'm very sorry if you have to see my body like this but it was for the best.

Anyway in life there were many things I loved like, my mom, whom I loved dearly and still do even after she passed away I still love her; I love the color red I think it suits me perfectly, I also love my best friend, Sollux, he was my friend since we were in middle school, he was so nice to me it made me feel welcomed and loved, even in high school we were still close. He isn't my love interest for I cannot love romantically, I am aromantic and asexual. He was still my best friend even though he knew that, and I knew he liked me but I just couldn't feel the same, when I told him he took it very kindly and remained my best friend. That's why I love him.

Unfortunately everything has a dark side and mine was as dark as it could be. I once had a friend, very close friend, her name is Vriska. We had been friends since childhood. We were almost inseparable and when my mother passed away I went to a really great orphanage but I still went to the same school.

I was in middle school when I told her about my sexuality, I told her I couldn't be romantically or sexually interested in someone, she took the news very differently than Sollux. She made fun of me and told me I would die alone. I told her to stop saying that because it wasn't true, I would have tons of friends surrounding me and supporting me. She said the opposite; she said everyone would get away from me because I was a freak that couldn't love. She told me that almost daily and slowly but surely everyone talked about it when I was around.

"Don't talk to her she probably won't like you she can't like anyone, that's what I heard"

"wait she doesn't like sex?! Who doesn't love sex?! What a weirdo!"

"how could she not love anyone she has to love someone!"

"I heard she killed her mom because she had no feelings for her, she can't love, so she didn't care about her"

they were all so painful but it wasn't just verbally it was also physically, kids beat me up after school, they said "that's what you get for killing your own mom, who does that?! Obviously you are some kind of freak." It didn't help that my physical appearance wasn't the best one, They would also call me Fat and overweight and sometimes people asked me if I ate like a pig at home.

One time during a beat up after school a stranger came by and stopped them, I didn't recognize him because he didn't go to my school he went to a private school near mine. This is when I met Sollux, He asked me why I was being beaten up but at first I didn't tell him he got a bit upset and left. He had no idea how thankful I was. After that I always went to the same spot but I was hiding so the bullies won't find me, I saw him walk past and I chased after him, it was nice to meet someone who doesn't know anything about me, that way they wouldn't call me a freak and beat me up like the other kids did.

After we graduated Middle school we both went to the same high school, it was the best. At first. Most kids accepted me being asexual and aromantic I was happy for that. Sollux still didn't know my sexuality though and I regret not telling him sooner.

One day after school he said he wanted to meet me near the library so I went and I saw him sitting there thinking very deeply, when I approached closer he just stood up and kissed me on the lips, just a small kiss, He confessed his obvious feelings for me I told him that I already knew because it was obvious and I also told him my love style. He took it very calmly and said 'Oh' then he said 'are we still friends?' I hugged him and said 'Of course'. It was all going great but when I went back home and checked my computer is when everything got worse.

I saw a post by Vriska on Facebook, it was two pictures, one of me being kissed by Sollux and another one of me hugging him. The caption read 'was Aradia faking the whole time?'. Vriska also photoshoped my face and Sollux's face into a picture of two people having sex, some people were stupid enough to believe it and some saw through the lie.

I was scared to say the least the comments were horrible. "does this mean she killed her mom even though she actually loved her?" "what a fucking bitch!" "wow lying slut" I was terrified to go to school the next day. I was right to be terrified everyone ignored me some called me names as I walked by. This went on for all freshman year and sophomore year, and still on junior year and Sollux tried telling me that it would be alright, that I wouldn't loose him. This helped me a little gave me a bit of hope, the last of hope.

That was until towards the end of junior year. When I was walking home by myself when guy named Equius Zahhak stopped me and told me he'd like to walk me home, I was okay with that. We walked and talked like two normal people, he was really nice and funny, but then he decided to lean in and try to kiss me but I stopped him and explained to him my love style, he was great about it he apologized and said he understood.

When I went to school I saw Sollux and tapped his shoulder to greet him but he didn't turn around. I called his name and got in his face but he just ignored me then he showed me a picture of me with Equius and he was really close to my face. I believe this was before I put my hand to stop him. Sollux yelled at me and told me that I really was a lying slut. He thought the whole aro and ace thing was an excuse for me to no date him. My last bit of hope was shattered, gone forever, my only true friend was gone.

I was 17 when I decided to take my own life. Whoever is reading this I want you to tell my story, tell them that I survived for 4 years but I was weak and couldn't handle it anymore.

I'm sorry I'm weak, I'm sorry I'm aromantic and asexual, I'm sorry I'm fat, I'm sorry I'm not how you'd like me to be.

I'm deeply sorry.

* * *

><p>This was just the suicide letter from Aradia next chapter will be actual real time<p> 


	2. Sollux finds out

I am on my way to meet Aradia and apologize for what I did a few days ago.

I may have been a bit too harsh on her the day I found out she kissed or almost kissed Equius, honestly I don't know what happened and I thought maybe I should let her explain.

That time went by so fast I remember Vriska giving me the photo, I remember being mad and confused, but the next few things were a bit blurry. Did I forget to take my medicines? No I remember that morning I took them. Anyway the past is in the past and I felt guilty right after I yelled at her but I was still pretty pissed, I mean she told me she wasn't interested in dating anyone, she explained she was born that way and it wasn't anybody's fault, in fact she said it wasn't even a fault she said she was OK without a romantic relationship and/or sexual relationship I trusted her but then there she goes kissing other boys. I accused her of making everything up as an excuse to not date me and I called her a lying slut and wow I think I may have taken it a bit far… But it's ok I'm on my way to apologize to her and hopefully she'll forgive me and we can go back to being best of friends like old times. She knows me she knows I can be a total dick sometimes.

As I'm walking I see something in the corner of my eye.

It's a dark alley I can't see clear…but it looks like…A BODY?!

Oh no what do I do? Do I call an ambulance? The police? who is this person?

I take my phone out and turn on the flashlight…I wish I hadn't.

First I just stand there looking at the body on the floor, was this really her? NO it can't be you are just on your way to see her. I know that if I leave right now and go to the park where I told her to meet me she will be right there waiting for me.

Then again how can she if her body is right here, motionless, cold…no nonononononnononNONONO!

Of course this isn't her! How could she have done this to herself if she was always so happy and cheery she was the happy one between us!

Before I know it I'm on my knees next to her body holding her in my arms and I notice she had cuts on her arms, lots of them. She probably died of blood loss but there isn't that much blood then I notice that she is actually still bleeding! Meaning that she could still be alive! I immediately call an ambulance.

There may still be hope.

When they arrived they asked lots of questions like 'was she pregnant?' 'is there any mental illnesses she has we should know about?' 'how long has she been bleeding for' and many more I didn't know how to answer them so I just told them what I knew.

I was in the waiting room in the hospital and a doctor comes out holding an envelope. He asks me if I was a close member of the family or if I was anything to her and I explained I was her best friend then he handed me the blood stained envelope that said 'to anyone who recognizes and knows me well' I asked the doctor if she would be ok and they said they didn't know, other than the bleeding she had also overdose on sleeping pills and she fell into a coma and she could either die or wake up with a brain damage.

I was still in denial how could she leave me like this. The only option I had right now was to read the letter.

As I read I couldn't help my tears they fell automatically. I also felt anger rising inside me. I was angry at many things I was angry at myself, angry at Aradia, angry at all the kids who did this to her and especially I was mostly angered by Vriska. According to this letter Vriska was the one who started all this fucking shit! She was definitely going to pay for it.

I couldn't really think of anything else right now but at how angry I was at almost everything. I had to go to the hospital bathroom and let out my anger in there, I hope nobody could hear me as I punched and kicked the wall, grabbed paper towels and ripped them in little pieces. I was pretty sure that I was crying and screaming the whole time I was in there. When I got out some nurses were staring and some families looked away in embarrassment, some understood the pain I was going through, but I really didn't care right now.

When I got home I just lay in bed and cried a little more. I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I saw her. When I yelled at her for a small misunderstanding, the last thing I told her was 'Don't talk to me again' those words echoed in my head and her sad face flashed in my mind; it was hell. I started regretting many things.

I wish I hadn't called her a lying slut.

I wish I hadn't yelled at her for a small misunderstanding.

I wish I had seen through the lie but I was stupid enough to fall for it.

Why hadn't I walked past that dark alley sooner maybe if I had walked by there sooner I would have been able to stop her before she swallowed all those pills or before she had cut herself multiple times. The image of her almost dead, bleeding body came into my mind. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight, not like I want to anyway.

I spent the whole night wishing I had more time to spend with her. I daydreamed about what would have happened if I had arrived sooner, she would have forgiven me and we would have ice cream together after that and talk about video games and make fun of the people at school, talk about our futures and goals.

The sound of the wind whistling through the window brought me back to this hell I call reality. I stood up and closed the window tight, the light of the midnight moon pointed at my desk, I stared at my desk and I saw something that stood out of everything, a bracelet, but not just any bracelet this bracelet was rusty red, AA's favorite color, I didn't wear it much but right now it's the only thing I want to wear right now.

When I put it on I felt at ease, I closed my eyes and I felt her here next to me and I swear I heard her voice as soon as I put on the bracelet, her voice was saying 'it's okay I'm okay now' a tear rolled down my face as I fell asleep, something I thought I wouldn't be able to do for a while.


	3. vriska's lament

First time I go to school in days, not many people noticed I left but they did notice that Aradia was gone, I heard people saying "where's the slut?" "is she in a motel getting it on?" "she probably moved away but eh who cares" they didn't tell me directly in my face but it still hurt to see that even after her death they still talk shit behind her back.

As I was walking I see the one who started it all, Vriska. Anger takes over me and makes me grab her by the arm and pull her out of her little clique and drag her near the closest closet.

She struggles to make me let go of her but I was holding on pretty hard, I think I left marks of my nails on her arm. When we got in the janitor's closet I let go of her.

"OW! Hey what's your problem?!" she whines

"You are the problem!" I said trying not to yell too loud because I fear the teachers will find us, we are supposed to be in class right now but that didn't bother either of us.

"what?" she doesn't know.

"You murdered Aradia!" she looks at me weird but eventually she connects the puzzles, she isn't stupid.

"n- no I did not" she mumbled "I didn't tell her to…she did it herself…right? I have nothing to do with it it was her choice! It's not my fault she's so weak!"

I couldn't help myself but to slap her, anger was still controlling me and I had no choice but to go along with it.

She didn't say anything she just stood there looking at me with her hand on the cheek I just slapped, then slowly she backs up until she hits the wall and slids down and sits on the cold floor, still no words.

To my surprise she started to cry, I suddenly remembered that her and Aradia used to be best friends, just like me and AA. I started feeling pity for her, incredible.

I took out the letter from my backpack for some reason I felt like she needed to read it so she can see what she was doing to Aradia and understand how much of a bitch she was to her.

"Read this" I said feeling like I'm about to cry myself.

She takes the letter and starts reading, she cries even louder and even says "oh my god…" quietly at some parts. When she finished reading she hugs her knees and her head sink in between her knees. There is two things I could do right now; I could leave her crying in the janitor's closet, or I could sit with her and sympathize with her.

Surprisingly I sit next to her any put an arm around her, I guess because I needed another person who knows how I was feeling and since not many people were as close to AA like we were then the only option was to bear each other's company for now.

She unwrapped her arms from her knees and wraps them around my torso and I do the same and we just cry in the janitors closet not caring about anything else around us.

I couldn't believe right now, This is the girl that bullied Aradia for being herself, manipulated me into thinking Aradia was lying to me, she manipulated me into thinking that she didn't love me, she destroyed AA's last hope, she was the reason why Aradia was hospitalized. Yet here I am comforting her, I wonder if Aradia is mad at me right now for doing this.

We stay in there for about 2-3 hours mourning in silence, until I decide to tell her some news that might lighten her up.

" AA is in a coma she isn't really dead" I say shakily

Her head lifts up slowly to look at me "w'what did she do to herself, h-how did she survive?" she says with hiccups in between her words.

"well I found her in a dark alley near the park, she was bleeding from her wrist and she had a bottle of sleeping pills on her hand-" Vriska sobbed and put her hands on her face "- I called an ambulance and they told me later that she fell into a coma but she could die or she could wake up with a brain damage, they aren't certain but I predict she probably won't be the same" I explained.

"Do you think she'll forgive me?" She asked seriously.

"I don't know if she'll even be able to forgive me…She may not even be able to remember us" That realization hit us both hard.

"I think class is over we should probably leave" she said quietly while gathering her stuff.

"yeah ok" I said plainly.

When I opened the door the last bell had just ringed and some people were already out and some shouted

"ooooooo Sollux and Vriska were in the closet this whole time"

"I wonder wat they were doing in there their hair is messy~"

"Hahaha! They literally 'came out of the closet'"

I ignored them they are all assholes. Vriska put the middle finger up to everyone.

I doubt I will ever talk to her again this is the first and last time.

OK thanks for reading this story and what it has been so far! I have two options right now, I could continue until we see what eventually happens to Aradia or i could end it here. I need help deciding so please suggest in reviews! Again thanks for reading the story so far! hopefully its doing great so far its my first multichapter fanfiction so hopefully i dont mess it up!


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